Mess With Me
by NarcissisticNinny
Summary: When Sanji tries to mess with Zoro to get his attention, Zoro starts to mess with him. Short one-shot.


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A.N. I want to dedicate this to Newcellie over on LJ, who has been such a sweetheart, she's always so kind when she reviews, I just love her so.

I hope you like it! :3

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Things were getting out of hand.

The marimo bastard was either a complete jackass or the biggest tease he had ever met.

No matter what Sanji did to get Zoro's attention, it always backfired on him. It was like fate itself conspired against him. He couldn't remember when he first wanted to get the man's attention, all he remembered was trying to win his attention.

First he tired flirting. He sweet-talked the marimo, complimenting him here and there. There was a time when he had actually tried winking at the bastard, but that only resulted in the jackass asking him if he had something in his eye.

So, all in all, his flirting was for not because the bastard never seemed to get it. Which brought back to the theory that he was either a complete jackass, or he was messing with him.

Sanji had yet to figure it out.

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Sanji was a strong advocate in working hard for what you desired, so he set to work on making a drink he was sure the brute would like. He even twirled his way towards him, because there was no way the marimo could miss such a sign.

"Here," he said, holding the drink to him when he got close enough and offered his best smile. "You've been working out for a few hours now, I thought you would be thirsty."

Zoro took the drink from him without batting an eye. "I am, thanks."

He gulped half of it down in one go then set the glass down to finish later. He went back to lifting weights like Sanji wasn't even there. Not that Sanji minded, it wasn't often he saw the marimo working out - shirtless - so up close.

Zoro noticed him staring but said nothing. Sanji took the time to pat down his pockets, retrieving a cigarette and lighting it as he continued to watch him. He exhaled, throwing the swordsman a smirk.

"So, does your stamina hold up in different areas?' Sanji asked, wiggling his eyebrow for good measure.

Zoro looked at him with a bored expression. "Like?"

Sanji almost choked on his cigarette. He was sure the man would get it, but it seemed he had to explain everything to him. "You know, like the _bedroom_?"

"I guess so," Zoro said, continuing to lift weights like they didn't weigh a thing even though Sanji knew they weighed somewhere in the thousands. "Working out here shouldn't be different form working out in the bedroom, right?"

Sanji crushed his cigarette and muttered curses under his breath, stalking away. That moron.

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An opportunity presented itself when they were fighting.

Sanji provoked the fight by insulting him. Swords were drawn and kicks were thrown. They fought without a single protest from the crew because they all learned to ignore them some time ago. Sanji knew this wasn't an exactly ideal way to win the man's heart but he loved to fight with him.

But then again, the marimo loved fighting more than anything, so this could be _the_ way to get to his heart.

Zoro called Sanji a curly brow but Sanji only smirked at him. "Hey, it's pretty amazing that you can talk with a sword in your mouth," he said.

Zoro stopped trying to cut him in half and gave him a pointed look. "What's your point?" he asked, still with his sword in mouth.

"I bet your mouth if good for other things," Sanji said, licking his lips. "I bet you don't even have a gag reflex."

Zoro arched an eyebrow. "Is this your weird way of getting me to try your experiments? Because you can just get Luffy to do that."

Sanji aimed a kick at him, this time out of frustration.

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Sanji's next effort happened in the morning. He knew Zoro was after him when he took a shower and took his time, making sure the marimo would be outside waiting for his turn, so he wrapped his towel extra low on his hips.

He walked out, big droplets of water still clinging to his body, his hair matted down over his face, and making sure he looked as sexy as possible. He was happy to see the swordsman look up and stare at him.

He smirked at Zoro. "See something you like?" He tried winking again.

Zoro looked him up and down. "There's nothing on you but a towel, you don't leave much for me to like."

Sanji growled, raising the towel on his hips to a normal level and stomping past the man. "This is fucking ridiculous," he muttered, heading off to the boy's bunk.

"Wait, cook."

Sanji turned around. "What?"

"You should see Chopper about your eye, it's getting out of hand."

Sanji told him to see Chopper himself to get his head examined.

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By that time the entire crew knew what he was up to - save Chopper - so he had no shame in flirting with the bastard when the crew was around. He saw Franky sitting outside with Zoro, he was drinking cola while Zoro drank some sake, taking a break from his workout.

His plan was to stretch in front of him. So he stood in plain eye-sight of the man and started to bend his body in almost impossible ways. He balanced on his hands and spread his legs to do the splits, his ass in prefect view for the man.

He was pleased to find the marimo looking at him.

"Hey marimo," he purred. "Aren't you interested in how flexible I am?"

"Yeah," he admitted. "I bet it could be useful in a fight."

Sanji would have fallen flat on his face if he didn't have good balance. "Not what I meant." Sanji sighed. He jumped to his feet and looked at Zoro. "I can be really damn flexible, but in a different kind of fight."

He threw him his best sultry look, hoping the man understood this time.

Zoro cocked his head to the side. "I don't get it."

"Of course you don't," Sanji muttered under his breath, walking away, anger radiating from him.

When he got to his precious kitchen he slammed the door shut after him. Franky looked at the door then to Zoro, who was drinking his sake with the tiniest of smirks on his face.

"How long are you going to keep messing with him swordsman bro?" Franky asked.

Zoro smirked at the older man. "Just until I get bored."

Franky shrugged, not really understanding what was going on between them but knew better than to ask. "You guys are weird."

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Sanji decided the best way to deal with it was to just tell him flat out, since the bastard didn't understand innuendos. So after breakfast he told the moss to help him with the dishes. Zoro was drying the dishes, not muttering a single word because he never did. Sanji looked at his profile and decided to just go for it.

"Hey, Zoro. I have something to tell you, it's kind of important."

The swordsman eyed him. "What is it?"

"I," he took a deep breath. "L-like you."

The other man looked impassive. "I like you too."

"What?" Sanji asked. He couldn't believe his ears. "You do?"

"We're nakama." Zoro said, looking at Sanji like he was the idiot. "Of course I like you."

"No, I don't mean it like that. I mean I like you, _like you_," he stressed.

Zoro stared at him for a really long time before bursting into hysterical laughter. He clapped Sanji on the shoulder. "You had me there for a minute. That was good."

"Zoro, I'm not kidding," he said in a serious tone. "I _really_ _like _you."

"Oh. Well that's nice." He smiled at Sanji. "Thank you."

If Sanji wasn't so proud he would have cried. Instead he went back to washing the dishes in a dejected manner. He didn't expect Zoro to speak afterwards, but he did.

"Oh, and cook?"

"What?" Sanji asked, looking at him.

Zoro smiled at him, but it was far from pleasant. He knew that smile was reserved for him, when Zoro did something mean to him. And he did.

"I already knew."

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He was pissed. All this time, the damn marimo had been messing with him. If he hadn't been drowning in self-pity he would have realized sooner. The only sensible thing he could think of was to mess right back, but first he wanted answers.

Sanji went out for a smoke break and saw the marimo sleeping out in the middle of the deck. He walked over, standing over him as he lit his cigarette.

"How long are you planning to fuck with me?"

Zoro cracked one eye open. "All night long if you're up for it."

Sanji turned red. He saw red. He tried to stomp on the giant marimo bug but the bastard rolled away on time.

Zoro sat up, regarding him. "I was planning on watching you sweat until you cracked," he smirked.

"What do you mean crack?"

"I mean it's only a matter of time before you ask me to fuck you," he said. "Or try to fuck me."

"I'm not that big of a pervert."

Zoro smirked, lying back down. "I give it a few days."

If this was how he wanted to play, then he would play. One thing was for sure; he wouldn't crack.

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He was going to make Zoro crack.

His plan of action was to play footsie with him during dinner. He didn't know a better way to get him more riled up. After he served everyone and sat down in front of him and stretched his leg forward and began to run at the man's calf and thigh.

What pissed him off was that he got no reaction from the man. When Zoro revealed he had known, he knew then he was a good actor, he just didn't think his face would be so inscrutable after Sanji's forward actions.

Until then he had managed to keep his action on his food, shoveling food into his mouth occasionally talking with Franky who was sitting next to him. Franky seemed to be tense about whatever it was they were talking about though.

Stupid Zoro.

He kept eating like Sanji wasn't currently sliding his foot up his thigh, slowly inching towards his crotch.

Franky cleared his throat audibly, breaking his thoughts. "Hey, Sanji bro, not that I'm not flattered, but I think you've got the wrong guy."

His face felt incredibly hot, and he saw everyone looking at him wide eyed, understanding what Franky was saying. Luffy took the opportunity to steal food from their plates.

Zoro looked up from his meal, eyeing Sanji before breaking into that sinister grin. "Dumb ass," he said before going back to his meal, a huge shit-eating grin on his face.

Sanji went back to his meal, trying not to look too embarrassed and trying to avoid Zoro's amused gaze.

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After dinner the moss ball went out to lie out on deck and sleep. Sanji went out for his after dinner cigarette and stared down at him before crouching down, swatting in front of him.

"Is this what you do all day?" he asked, blowing smoke in his direction.

Zoro cracked open one eye, looking at him. "If you play your cards right I can be doing you tonight."

Sanji made to kick him overboard but once again the moss ball avoided his premature death.

"Getting you all riled up is really fun," Zoro said in a cheery tone. "You look hot as hell when you're mad."

"You're insane."

"Call me insane, but I know us fighting turns you on."

"Idiot. You're talking nonsense, so shut your mouth."

"I'm planning on finding a way to shut your mouth."

Sanji didn't know if he meant it as a threat or if that was some kind of innuendo.

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Zoro's lewd jokes were getting out of hand.

It was the main reason Sanji had been avoiding him, until Zoro came stomping into the kitchen looking for sake that is. At the moment he was rummaging through the cupboards and Sanji tired to ignore him.

"Say cook, have you gained weight?" he asked, his prize in hand.

"I have not!" he snapped.

"Really?" he asked, taking a drink. "Those pants look a little tight on you."

He just knew Zoro was going to say something. The way his mind worked he was probably going to mention how his ass looked or something. He narrowed his eyes. "I assure you they fit me just fine."

"Too bad, I was going to volunteer to help you out of them."

"Get out!" Sanji screamed.

"So, are you a screamer or a moaner?"

Sanji grit his teeth. "Out," he managed to say flatly.

Zoro did get out, after stealing two bottles of sake and slapping ass on his way to the door. He walked out with a huge grin on his face.

Franky was outside, shaking his head at Zoro. "Why can't you just be normal? Or better yet, be super with him?"

"That's not fun," Zoro said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Franky decided to give up on telling Zoro to be nice to Sanji.

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He had been smoking more cigarettes than usual. At this rate he would run out before they got to the next island. He was by the rails, smoking when he heard Zoro coming towards him.

"Ready to give in?"

"Not even close marimo."

Zoro took his cigarette from him. He was about to protest when Zoro brought it to his lips and inhaled. He didn't smoke it properly, just in his mouth, but when he parted his lips and leaned towards Sanji, Sanji instinctively parted his lips, breathing in what Zoro was exhaling.

Their almost kiss was so intense Sanji almost did give in.

Zoro smirked and handed back his cigarette. "So, curly brow, have I told you how good you look in that orange shirt?"

Sanji furrowed his brows. "Are you making fun of me?"

The moss ball only grinned as his hands moved to fix Sanji's tie, which had loosened after he began cooking. Sanji stood there as the swordsman fixed his tie and patted down his suit jacket.

"No, I mean it. This clothes looks good on you."

Sanji still didn't trust him, so he stayed silent.

"But I was thinking they would look better in a crumpled heap next to my bed."

This time when he did kick, he did manage to throw the swordsman overboard.

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They were fighting. Not physically, just their usual verbal spares. It had all started when Zoro started to make fun of his eyebrows. That asshole knew he was sensitive about it; he didn't have to bring it up all the time.

"Can you stop being an asshole for one minute?"

"I'm always an asshole." He smirked at the cook. "Maybe you should teach me a lesson."

The thought alone was enough to give him a nosebleed. Luckily he kicked the moss ball so they both suffered form one. Zoro wasn't expecting it, so he did manage to hit his jaw.

Zoro touched his lip and saw that he was bleeding. "I'll make you pay for that," he growled.

Sanji gulped, once again he wasn't sure if he meant it as a threat of as a flirtation. Then Zoro closed the gap between them, faster than Sanji could react, and Zoro kissed him roughly.

So _that's _what he meant.

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After sex Sanji always liked to smoke a cigarette, and that was exactly what he did after Zoro and him finished fucking. He sat up, reaching for his discarded suit jacket and pulled out his cigarette and box of matches and lit one up.

Zoro lay next to him, unmoving except for his arms crossing behind his head, pillowing his head as he looked up at the stars. It was odd that he made no move for his clothing, but he supposed he was still enjoying the aftermath. Sanji just couldn't believe they had done it right on deck.

"You weren't so bad for a virgin, cook," Zoro said, breaking the silence.

"I wasn't a virgin!" Sanji snapped.

Zoro smirked, his eyes still on the stars. "You certainly cried like one."

"I didn't cry!"

There he was, fucking with him again. Well, messing with him. They already fucked.

And he did not cry.

Zoro sat up on his elbows, eyeing Sanji. "Am I pissing you off?"

"Yes."

"Is it turning you on?"

"Yes."

"Wanna do it again?"

Sanji stubbed out his cigarette, already leaning towards the swordsman, ready for round two. This time he planned on doing the fucking.

"Hell yes."

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The End


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